My Infertility Story

My Infertility Story

My path to become a mom has not been an easy one. Since 2010, I knew that it would be difficult for me to become pregnant when I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, or PCOS.

When I married my husband, Jim, in 2013, I knew we would have a difficult time conceiving, so I started right way with my OBGYN on a plan for pregnancy.  Before we started down this journey, my husband was tested and he checked out fine. The focus was on me and in that moment, the pressure was on. Almost 4 years later, no baby. What happened in this relatively short period? Plenty.  I was given tests and drugs, all paid for out of pocket. Blood work became routine, as did the number of times I was poked and prodded in my lady parts.

The whole “relax and it will happen” is true to a certain extent. If your parts don’t work, you could be on a beach, drinking margaritas (or whatever your idea of relaxation is) and it won’t happen.  Going through fertility treatments can be stressful and yes, it helps to remain calm. However, please don’t tell someone who is spending hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars to “just get drunk and it will happen.” If you do not ovulate on your own, you will not get pregnant. No amount of alcohol will help with that.

In the middle of going through these treatments, I was an emotional wreck. I’m not particularly religious, so the many times I was told that prayers would be said for me didn’t necessarily help me. It was, however, comforting to know that people were positively thinking of me. It was also not reassuring to hear “when God wants you to have a baby, He will make it happen.” Not something you want to hear when you are dishing out money for something that seems to happen to certain women so easily.

I habitually became angered by women who had unplanned pregnancies, teenage pregnancies and women who trapped a man into marriage by getting pregnant. I’m a teacher and I witness children who are neglected and not wanted. It breaks my heart and makes me furious at the same time.

In early 2015, after several failed IUI’s, I told my husband I was not emotionally ready to pursue anymore attempts at becoming a mom. The fertility drugs took a toll on me and I was struggling with working and scheduling appointments. Also, we experienced the death of my father, as well as my husband’s parents in the span of 16 months. Trying to schedule intimate moments with your husband before a funeral of a parent is not something anyone should have to deal with. He understood and we stopped.

The money we saved for further treatments was used for vacations. We went to Siesta Key Beach, Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon. We enjoyed spending time together, having regular date nights and sleeping in on the weekends. If we didn’t feel like making dinner, we headed out to a new restaurant we wanted to try.  New movie out? We went to see it. We started right away with trying for a baby early in our marriage that it became our focus.

I’ve been writing in a journal since I was ten.  These past few months, I have been channeling my energy into writing. I decided to share my struggles to show women that they are not alone.  I hope you come back and read about my journey to becoming a healthy housewife and hopefully soon- a healthy mama!

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